Feelings of failure.
I’ve been sick for the past week and have lost my voice. I’ve not been able to my normal editor job, i’ve had to reschedule my clients, and my upcoming workshop this weekend in LA.
I started to get really upset yesterday feeling super down on myself and feeling like a major failure. I kept feeling like I was letting everyone down because I was too tired to do the things they wanted me to do.
i was also upset with myself because i have not been able to keep up with my own expectations and deadlines.
i watched myself have all kinds of negative self talk towards myself last night about how i was a loser because i had not finished this or accomplished that. and started getting really mad at my body (and especially my lack of voice) for not cooperating.
and maybe the universe was shutting me up (literally) because i wasn’t saying anything kind to myself and i needed to become super aware of that.
what i need most now is to bring ALL of my energy back to my self and to my body and full heal without feeling like i need to do this or i need to do that for anyone else.
and as i sat with my frustration and surrendered into this fact, a very clear voice inside my head said: “You are judging yourself as a failure because you are not keeping up with the expectations of others, when the truth is that when you are not looking after yourself and valuing your own health, you are failing yourself. THAT is the true source of your feelings of failure.”
and so, i am back to surrendering into a divine knowledge much wiser than me, and i’m dropping these feelings of failure and rising into deep self love and self care.
because the truth is - my self worth is not defined by this project being completed, or that person being happy with what i’ve done.
my self worth is defined by ME.
my self worth is defined by ME LOVING ME, just as i am.